she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
