So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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