I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He kissed a someone with a penis
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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