is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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