My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
no. you can't hotbox the world.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
