He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
