Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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