i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize