Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
