The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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