Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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