I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
