He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
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how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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