Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
