I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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