Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
