The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
