Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
