I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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