haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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