I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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