cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
