dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
