You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
