I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
