i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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