Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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