I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
