He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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