This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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