The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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