They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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