You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Plan B is the new Plan A
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
