yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
