Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
