Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
