He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
