i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
