I wish my penis had an off switch
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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