I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
