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I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
