Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
