so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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