Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
