I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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