Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
