I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
