Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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