I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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