he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
