this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
