I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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