The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
