Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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