North Korea, Best Korea!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm too high and old for this...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
