1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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