Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
