some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
