summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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