She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
