If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
