We're facebook friends in real life
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
