i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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