My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
