i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
