So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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