I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Mom said you looked used
What drink are we having for lunch?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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