I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
